Lately, I have been having a serious case of mid-life crisis. Sometimes at night when I can’t sleep, I tell Amit that lets pack everything up and move to London and start an all-together new life. I find myself wishing for a time-machine, so that I can rewind and undo and redo SO many things. (not regrets – but learnings!) There is so much I want to do and want to see to fruition. I am getting impatient. Like time is running out. I wish to go back to the time when I was having severe nervous breakdowns while studying for school exams. ( now when I look back and think about it – I can’t stop falling on the floor & laughing! ) Seriously! having the pressure of cracking the tests and competing at school debates like the only burden on your shoulders – does seem like a sweet tension to have, doesn’t it? =))
I have been thinking and worrying too much about the future. About the next thing. The next post that’s gonna go up on the blog. The upcoming content for Instagram. The next vacation. The next step at work. The RESULT. It bothers me that I can’t get to answer inspite of knowing all variables of the equation. When x amount of hard-work is combined with y portions of commitment – what will the final value of z be? Turns out – “z” is the biggest variable. The MASSIVE UNKNOWN. The realization that there’s not much I can do about it, that makes me feel weak – not in control.
It has been bugging me a lot lately. Taking away from the positive – taking over the EFFORT. The fun and contentment from the DOING. Whenever I have taken up something – I have given it everything I can. My 200%. All IN or FOLD! I can’t let it affect me now. Its not an epiphany but a conscious decision. A learning!
Today isn’t a significant day by any means – no birthday or anniversary or first day of school or spring. But I have decided to MAKE IT SIGNIFICANT. To think about the future – but not be overwhelmed by it. To be happy. To take CONTROL of happiness.
So here’s to stopping and breathing in. To appreciating pretty flowers and the smell of rain. To relationships. To finding happiness in the process. To love. To letting go of what you have no control over. To happiness. xo-Neha / Love Playing Dressup